Are You My Father?

One of my favorite children books is "Are You My Mother?" by P.D. Eastman. I remember reading this for the first time to my young son J.P. Before reading it to him, I read through the story, thinking it was a cute story. But when I started reading aloud, I was alarmed by my son's reaction. He was sincerely concerned for the baby bird, and was drawn into the story, wondering if the baby bird would find its mother. This was a scary book. My mother's reaction was to shut the book and to find some way to distract J.P., who would have none of it. He wanted to know. So I drew my son closer and continued reading. It was a blessed relief to get to the end when the "snort" (the truck) placed the baby bird back into its nest. Mommy and and her baby were united. That's a moment I remember 21 years later, how dear my son was, and how I felt there was nothing that could separate us. A child needs his mom. Mothers are not replaceable. They're very much needed.

If this is true, it seems to me that children feel that way about their fathers. Fathers are important, too. That's why I'm concerned when single women like Nadya Suliman undergo in vitro fertilization to become a mother without the love of a husband, the father to their children. These women demand their reproductive rights to become moms. Will their children ask, "Are You My Father?" to the men who may have been their moms' sperm donors? I think they will ask this quesion because it's a basic question to ask. It's our search for the meaning of life, the ultimate questions concerning who we are, who created us, and for what purpose.

I believe that if a father read a book, "Are you my Father?" to their little ones, he would wrap his big arms around his sons and daughters at night, and promise them that daddy will always be there. Whether we're young, middle aged or entering the twilight of our years, there will always be within our hearts a place for father and mother. Ten, 20, 40 years later, the grown up child will contemplate life's joys and sorrows, wondering "What would daddy think? What would he do? I wish he were here to share this with me."

Fathers were never meant to be replaceable or made irrelevant. Adults may gloss over these matters, thinking it's merely an antiquated, silly idea, but a child never will. If adults were honest with themselves, they would understand too, that it is a great deprivation to be without a father. A child has a right to a mother and a father who love each other for life, exclusively. Anything else will be found lacking and a grave injustice to the child.